Special occasions such a birthdays and graduations can be difficult when you are no longer in a relationship with your child’s other parent. Since a divorce or breakup can be very emotional for all parties involved, having both of the parents present in the same place and being cordial to each other can take a near miracle.
Your child should not be forced to choose between having one or the other parent at their special event. In fact, if one parent refuses to go if the other parent is there, the child will probably eventually come to resent the uncooperative parent. He or she will usually want both parents to attend and to just get along. Fights or extremely tense situations can cause your child to stop being in activities or going to special events just to keep the parents apart.
If your relationship with the child’s other parent just ended, seeing this person may be extremely painful. It’s OK to be honest that these situation are difficult for you, but let your kids know that you are making the effort for their sakes. You do not have to sit together with your ex during the event, but you at least should be respectful. This also sets an example for you kids of how to conduct themselves during difficult situations.
Be sure to allow your ex access to the child during the event for pictures, videos, or congratulations. Let the kids see you cooperating with your ex.
The good news is that attending events with your ex will probably get easier with time. Chances are, you will move on to another relationship and other interests. You may even find yourself being indifferent to your ex’s presence or if you are lucky, forge a new relationship with him or her based on co-parenting your kids as a team.