As you are going through your divorce or are thinking about modifying your children’s living arrangements, the question of whether you should split the kids up may arise. Often, keeping siblings together is the easiest solution for companionship and maintaining as normal of an environment as possible. Some cases exist where having one child live with one parent and the other with your ex may be a good idea.
If you have teenagers, they may have a strong desire to live with one parent over the other. This could be due to tighter bonds with that parent or maybe due to an environment with fewer rules. While you may not be in favor of letting your teen live with your ex, a rebellious teen could make your life miserable. Generally, unless the other parent has issues that pose a danger to the child, letting a teen live with the parent of their choice can be a good idea. You may find that they end up back in your home after trying out the new living situation for a few months.
Another situation can be over a child’s school. For example, if one parent has to relocate and a teen just has a year or two left of high school to finish, living with the other parent may prove to be the best option rather than making the child move. Or, maybe your ex lives in a better school district, and you want your one of your kid to live at that address more of the time to get him or her into the school of your choice.
Finances can also be an issue. If you have multiple children and can only afford a two bedroom apartment, your kids may be more comfortable if some of them live with the other parent. Maybe you do not have the funds to arrange for adequate childcare, while your ex does or has relatives that can help him or her.
Maybe your work hours make it impossible for you to take a child to school or to their extracurricular activities. It might be easier on you for that child to live with your ex. Or, maybe you have a child that is falling into the wrong crowd in your neighborhood. A move to your ex’s may be the ticket to your child finding a different set of friends. Yet another scenario is when a young child is nursing and needs to be with the mother, but the other kids go live with their father who can provide a better standard of living.
Families who have special needs children may find that the extra care required for that child coupled with meeting the needs of other kids in the family is too much for one parent to handle alone. The special needs child could thrive under the one-on-one attention provided by one parent, while the other kids would also get more attention from their other parent.
Be sure to give older children have say in where they live, and let them know that they can change their mind on down the road. If they do choose to live apart from their siblings, provide plenty of opportunity for them to interact with their siblings and the other parent.
While keeping siblings together is often the best choice in divorced families, in some cases, separating the siblings to the different parental households may offer benefits. Be flexible so that kids can adjust their living situtation as their life changes.