If you have children, getting divorced from their other parent does not mean that you will never have to deal with your ex again. The anger and hurt present in many divorces can go on for years. However, you will have to learn to move past your feelings in order to communicate effectively with your ex. In fact, the court will more than likely require you to maintain some form of communication with your ex about the kids. How can you exchange information effectively with the other parent?
First, do not use your children as messengers. If you do, your kids will resent you for it, and you have no guarantee that your ex is receiving the correction information.
If communicating in person with your ex is too difficult, find alternative ways. Phone conversations may work, or maybe you know times to call that your ex won’t pick up so that you can leave a voicemail. Written communication either by email or mail are also alternatives. Just do not make your kids responsible for delivering notes back and forth between your houses.
If your former spouse is willing, attend a divorced parenting class. This could give both of you some good tips for co-parenting together on behalf of your kids. Also, it could help you both with transforming your communication from that of a couple to that of co-parents.
Make sure that both parents are included on school mailings and those for extrcurricular activities. Also, both parents should attend school conferences if possible so that both can hear about their children first hand from the teachers.
While effective communication with your ex will take work on your part, the results will be worth it. Your kids will learn that their parents care more about their children’s welfare than warring with each other. And, they will see effective commnication modeled even when the circumstances between the parties are less than ideal.
The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict after a Difficult Divorce
Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex, A Hands on, practical guide to coping with custody issues that arise with an uncooperative ex-spouse
Families apart: 10 keys to successful co-parenting