Dating With Kids - When They Don't Like Your Dating Partner

Are your children not accepting of your dating partner? They may just tell you this by their actions, or they may outright inform you that they don't like him or her. How can you promote at least a cordial relationship between your significant other and your kids?

First, try talking with your kids to find out why the don't like this person. It could be that your date talks down to them, acts jealous of them, interrupts them when they talk, treats them like they are not important, etc. Often, your children may realize that your date is not a good person to have around before you do since you are caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. Talk with your significant other about your kids' feelings. If he or she reacts with concern and makes attempts to change the offending behavior, then the relationship may be salvageable. Be especially vigilant if your children's concerns are dismissed as unimportant or if you see no behavioral changes. Remember that ingrained personality traits can be very difficult to change. Be especially concerned if your kids have liked or at least tolerated some of your past dating partners but now strongly dislike your current partner.

Have your kids disliked everyone that you have dated? If so, then the issue may be about your kids rather than anything your date is doing. Children can become jealous of someone who is taking up a parent's time, angry at someone who appears to be taking the place of their other parent, or trying to protect you from another relationship failure. Try talking with your kids about their reactions. Be sure to validate their feelings of loss of their past life and of less time to spend with the other parent. Sometimes kids just want to feel that they are being heard.

You can try having your date spend one-on-one time with each of your children to see if the relationships improve. Sometimes, taking the parent out of the mix can allow the kids to let their guard down and get to know the other person.

If the relationship is serious, you might want to try family counseling. If the kids absolutely will not accept your date, you may have to either see your date when the children are not with you or end the relationship. Kids who dislike your partner because they don't want you to be with someone may eventually come to accept your relationship. If the issues are because of your date's personality, it's unlikely that your children will grow to like this person more with time. Remember that your children will grow up and move out eventually, so it may not be worth the conflict involved to try to get the kids to accept someone new into their lives. When the kids are grown, you will be able to spend time with whomever you choose whether or not the kids approve.

Kids can make your life difficult if they don't like your significant other. Make sure to listen carefully to their concerns and work with your partner to foster his or her relationship with the children. Only you can make the decision of whether a relationship is worth pursuing if your kids aren't accepting of your partner.